I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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