My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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