Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just cropdusted the office
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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