i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
