So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
