does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
