1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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