You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
