ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
