Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
