I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
