So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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