this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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