Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
