I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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