like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
