i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I want her autograph on my taint
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We have so much sex to catch up on
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
