Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it