His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
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I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy