A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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