I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.