so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am