Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.