new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
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You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now