last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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