how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
