I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
