Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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