I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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