Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We have started to decorate penises.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
