Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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