there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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