I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
