She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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