don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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