Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
