Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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