She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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