Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
