Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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