Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
