What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
