I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
