shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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