i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
