i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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