So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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