he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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