I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
