I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
