He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
did i just pee glitter
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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