fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
