I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
