Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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