it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
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Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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