3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
it's like iHOP with fire
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
