I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
