i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
