she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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