I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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