yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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