Your dad touched me again.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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