Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
