I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
