I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
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