Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
