what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
