my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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