dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
