Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
