I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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