My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
