That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
