clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
